Life Is In The Details
Isn it funny how our lives revolve around little details? We might stop to see the big picture from time to time, but for the most part, it the little things we do every day, the trees in the proverbial forest, that make up our existence.
My grandfather, my dad father, lived life in the details. He wasn concerned with the larger things, believing that if you paid attention to the details, the trees and birds and blades of grass, that the grand scheme of things, the overall landscape you were painting, would take care of itself. There a saying in our family that if you asked Grandpa what time it was, he would tell you how to build a watch. This was meant as a joke on just how long it would take Grandpa to tell a story, and most of his eight sons and myriad grandchildren inherited this, but it was also meant to convey Grandpa overall look on life.
In basic training, it was the details that were important. Most trainees left basic believing that they had spent six grueling weeks learning nothing more than cleaning and shirt folding, not how to be an airman. And some part of that is true. There was a great deal of emphasis placed on how clean the dormitory was. Every bed had to be made just so, everyone locker had to be arranged like this, shirts had to be folded to exacting specifications. Why was this so important? It goes back to a saying I heard attributed to George Patton, but who really penned it I can say. Paraphrased, How can you expect someone to be able to fight a war, in the trenches, gun fire all around him, and follow orders under that chaotic stress, if he can even wear his uniform properly?
I found the same holds true with motherhood. Both warfare and details.
With a three year old very sensitive to change, and a happy go lucky infant in tow, details are important. Jacob is very specific in his dress, wearing Spiderman shirts, shorts, underwear, socks and shoes. Or wearing blue socks and blue underwear with a blue shirt. He very adamant on following his bedtime routine. Bath (not a shower, his pictographic chart clearly shows a bath), jammies, books, and bed. Any deviation is cause for a meltdown.
This week has been nothing but deviation from the details he is accustomed to. I blame the Pampered Chef party two days before the Halloween party. Which, I guess, means it all my fault. Monday and Tuesday were spent doing last minute cleaning, organizing, and decorating. Wednesday was spent at the zoo with my friend Ariel and her son George, then a trip to Sam club for party supplies after we picked up Josh. That was a huge mistake, by the way! Spending four hours at the zoo was bad enough, we overstayed not only our welcome but my three year old capacity for good behavior; but going to Sam after work, when we should have been home playing and making dinner, really through him for a loop. Bedtime was a little late, he woke up at 2 and didn want to go back to sleep, and his behavior the next couple of days was awful!
Thursday was the Pampered Chef party, in which I envisioned kids playing with toys in Jacob room or else watching movies in the Grandma Room (Jacob name for UGGS Clearance Sale Outlet our guest room), while the moms had adult conversation in the kitchen and living room. I could not have been more wrong! Jacob, George, and my friend Kendra son Arty brought boxes of blocks, tools, and cars into the living room, running into the kitchen with shouted questions and exclamations over the rep patient spiel, and then there were the tears over the foam sword fights, the bike races, and the running races.
Friday was an experiment in terror. Seriously. We had to go to Kohl World Market for a broken skeleton and white chocolate for my Halloween fudge; Hobby Lobby for stick on googly eyes and a quilting needle; Party City for plastic eyeballs and a non Women UGG Boots Clearance existent skeleton; Sam for last minute food; and the commissary for food for the house! After taking lunch to Josh at work. In the rain. We got to the parking lot at Sam intending to feed Sadie, when Josh called for us to come get him and feeding her flew out of my mind. The whole family went to the commissary and Sam at which point my blood sugar, Jacob patience, and Sadie tummy had all bottomed out. Dinner was late, bed time was such a UGGS Clearance disaster that I cried over how badly I had handled it.
An hour after first putting Jacob to bed, I finally lay down with him, and told him that I owed him a Big Sorry for the way I had acted. He looked puzzled, lying there next to me. I said, Mommy let a scary guy into the house. Who was it, Mommy? It was me; I was the scary guy. I so sorry for yelling. I love you so much, and you don do that to someone you love. I cried, his little arm around me, patting my back, and the whole time I cried, he kept saying in his sweet, sweet voice, It ok, Mommy, it ok. No it not, Jacob; I don deserve such easy forgiveness. I promise to do better, to remember the little things that make your world run smoothly. I promise to earn this wonderful, unconditional love you showing me.
How is it that I can keep the details of a party I planning firmly in my head, all the possible glitches (like the rain flooding our backyard and forcing me to bring the treasure hunt inside, completely changing the layout and schedule), but I can remember a simple thing like Jacob goes a little nuts when he off his schedule?? How can I be so gracious to adults, but not cut my own son a little slack? I have been furious, wondering why his behavior has been so bad this week, and it wasn until I sat down to write this that it all became clear. His details, the things that are so important to him, have been missing this week. Practically the entire week. No skating, no Pump It Up, no crazy train tracks in the living room. No mommy, really. And with Mommy mentally checked out, stressing over things like a party that will practically run itself, there been no patience or tolerance for slight misbehavior.
It really is funny how life is in the details, how a slight change can affect so much. And with so many Halloween activities left this month, with my dad visiting next weekend and Josh mom the week of Halloween, I solemnly swear to uphold our schedule as much as possible; to remember that my son needs me as much as, if not more than, the fun things I want to do with him. And maybe next week will be better.
Photos: one UGG Boots Clearance Sale Women of our awesome train tracks. Sadie wearing peaches, or sweet potatoes. Jacob first Halloween. Jacob pterodactyl impression.
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