More corporate nonsense

Posted on January 11, 2008
Filed Under Commentary | Leave a Comment

            Is it the grumpy season? More little irritations seem to keep cropping up the past few weeks. Here are three of the most recent.

            A call to a member of the staff at the bank triggered a central intercept apparently designed to prevent local, personal service wherever possible. It is especially irritating when the purpose of the call is to make an appointment with the local person to sign some forms they want signed.

            It was already an irritating situation. The forms were to guarantee a loan for one of the children to save years of payments by providing a lower interest rate. What was irritating is that, every time one does something like that now, it is as if the bank has never heard of you before.

            Some poor, young, innocent creature has to endure the snarl in my tone when I explain that I am not going to take in my last income tax return and answer a long list of stunned questions.

            One would think that over 40 years of a consistently clean credit record would obviate such nonsense but apparently not now.

            The little thing that irritates because it is obviously not true and not even grammatical is the recording that says, “To serve you better, press . . . ”

            It is not to serve me better. It is to make me serve myself by operating a bank computer program. It serves the bank better, not me.

            You never hear a recording that says “To serve us better,” do you?

            Even to “To help us serve you efficiently” would be honest and acceptable.

            Why go out of their way to tell us they think we are a bunch of fools they can con with a stupid lie?


            Believe it or not, some supermarkets are still displaying tomatoes with a sign that says “vine ripened.”

            These are not the clusters of tomatoes connected with a piece of the vine.

            First, the tomatoes are not ripe at all. Second, since they are not ripe, they were certainly not ripened on the vine. Third, if they were ripened on the vine, they would not have survived the trip to the store. They would have collapsed into juice on the way.

            What kind of idiots do they think we are?

Someone makes that?

          Why does my coffee maker have a slide lever on it to give me a choice of coffee strength from mild to strong?

            If I wanted weaker coffee, wouldn’t I just put less in the machine?

            Should I assume that they think I am so stupid I would load the machine to the gun’ls and then set the machine to somehow discard half of it?

Not my need

          Have you noticed how the BS artists who want to fogify and mush everything have removed ought to and must from their vocabularies?

            Instead of telling you you should or must do something, they say you need to do it.

            You need to press number 9. You need to provide your phone number with your credit card slip signature.

            How does all this stuff become your doing? Have you ever felt a compelling urge to call someone and press phone buttons? Do you have the urge right now? If you do, I suggest you need to call a doctor – as if anyone would answer! Oops. Oh yeah. There’s a whole new irritation.

            Again, people make their responsibilities or needs our responsibilities and needs. Everyone does and always has.

            The difference was that, when a robber held you up, he used to tell you you had to give him your wallet and watch. He might even tell you he needed your money and valuables.

            Now, if he takes his lead from modern-day corporations, you might be staring down the barrel of a gun and hearing “Excuse me. You need to give me your wallet and watch. Thanks, and have a nice day!”

            Perhaps not. Robbers aren’t usually that dishonest.

            We are still manipulated and herded around like a bunch of witless sheep.

            The difference is that the sheep dog now smiles and tells us we need to have our heels nipped because we need to hurry to the pen to be sheared.

            On we go!






Leave a Reply

You must be logged in to post a comment.